Post 37 Concerns, Exposed
Anxieties and links.
I’m now 37. The Clerks reference speaks for itself. As most people do during their birthdays, I’ve been reflecting a little on my habits and experiences when it comes to writing about and watching movies. Allow me a moment before I recommend some links:
Currently, I’m hunkered down in the New Orleans Film Festival’s virtual cinema, viewing some 2022 selections for review coverage at the Bayou Brief (coming shortly). It’s been a few years since my last in-person attendance at the fest (was it for The Florida Project?), and I feel so guilty about that. While the COVID pandemic gave me a “convenient” excuse to stay home, I worry that my personal anxieties have increased with time. And frankly, fellow goers, the home experience isn’t the same.
No matter my late-night Amazon searches for reclining office chairs with footrests, UHD TVs, and compatible wall mounts, I can’t turn my space into a theater. It’s not that it’s difficult to concentrate on the film being watched, but that the act of pressing play and making time has become something to be “pushed off” to another hour. And another. Then another.
What kind of a rut is this?
Thankfully, I live across the street from a sports bar-like cinema (Movie Tavern) that features pretty surprising programming from time to time. While money for tickets can and has been an issue on occasion (nabbing a paid subscription or leaving a tip does help) I do attend, and I do enjoy (a recent screening of Terrifier 2 was particularly great).
It’s not the cash. It’s not a lack of interest. It’s this unexplainable anxiety that I’ve been dealing with ever since Middle School, and now it’s seeped into my favorite activity. I don’t believe that more medication will fix this (though my daily regimen does help). Solution?
Just do it.
Exposure therapy worked wonders at the height of my teenage OCD treatments, and it taught me that, while it’s easier said than done, going through your anxiety or fear over and over and step by step will produce a comfortable outcome. When one reaches the end of the process, one realizes just how simple and silly the scenario was.
With that, I plan to: 1) Think of my Substack not just as a blog but as a social media alternative for ongoing conversation, 2) Post more often, possibly daily, 3) Watch something - anything - and write about it, no matter if it’s a new release or not.
I’m going back to my blogging roots. Back when the idea of writing each day started as a parental request but quickly became a career path that I looked forward to. Back when I took to my keyboard and confronted my anxieties. And even further back, when I took every opportunity I had to go to the movies, in my room, or in person. In a way, I’m anxious to restart.
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